Tweets That Sum Up The Misery That Is The Modern Job Application Process

There is only so much BS a human being can possibly take. And this level of tolerance rapidly decreases as soon as we start talking about job applications. From one hell of a job description to position requirements that make zero sense, these are just the tip of the iceberg of the dangerous and severe diagnosis known as chronic job search exhaustion.

Maybe it's time to re-evaluate that "years of experience = skill level".

If you don’t get hired for an unpaid internship it literally makes no difference. Just show up and start working. What are they gonna do, pay you?

LinkedIn has stories lol what am I supposed to do there, beg for job?

Can we make a reality show where we make baby boomers try applying to jobs for the first time in 30 years using their own advice, and see how quickly they have a mental breakdown?

Tomorrow Just wake up, wear your formal clothes, go to any company and start working. If they call the police, go to the police station and start working there too.

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Looking for a caterpillar. Must have 5 years experience as a butterfly and at least a master's degree. This will be an unpaid position.

Hey guys, just a thought; but how about instead of canceling celebrities for comments they made years ago, we start boycotting companies that want bachelors degrees and 3-5 years of experience for $13 an hour entry level jobs?

One of life’s biggest mysteries is why job applications ask you to upload a resume and manually enter the exact same information on the uploaded resume

No one should have to take time off work to find out the job they are interviewing for pays significantly less than the one they already have.

Please stop assuming all employment gaps on resumes are bad. Life happens. Battling cancer. Raising children. Taking care of a dying parent. Stop relying on algorithms to tell you who people are, what they have been through, and all they are capable of.

Discuss your salaries. Find the discrepancies. Demand more. The workers are on the same team.

Employers asking for references is so stupid and pointless like...why don’t YOU give me 3 references! Go ahead! Let me call 3 former employees and see if y’all treated them well or like shit, then we’ll talk!

HR: lmao here's some ramen cups and permission to wear jeans on Friday.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: In your chair, but asking better questions.

One more speech about how you just have to keep hustling and taking shit and working 80 hour weeks from a dude who got into Yale as a legacy and became a startup CEO of a shitty app company with no privacy security might make me vomit.

Yesterday I was walking to an interview. There was a starving dog on the road. I stopped to feed him & missed the interview. The next day I got an invite to the interview. I was surprised. The interviewer came in. It was the dog.

Beg for it!

Damn everyone’s leaving that’s nuts.

Don't you just hate it when you arrive to a job interview and realize you have forgotten to bring your will to live?

One time I Applied to work as a busboy at Cheesecake Factory they made me take a personality test and 2 IQ type tests and then said I wasn’t what the Cheesecake Factory was looking for. It’s not the CIA man it’s where parents take their kids to tell them they’re getting divorced

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7 Comments

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  1. Scarmoush April 24, 2021

    You have an article featuring 4 of your own jokes?

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  2. Arlo April 25, 2021

    so what, Scarmoush, it is still funny

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  3. The Real Anon April 25, 2021

    Working for the gov’t, many of these are spot on.

  4. Spanky April 26, 2021

    Scarmoush does this look like an article to you? Do you think you’re on the NYT here or what?

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  5. Anonymous April 28, 2021

    Scarmoush, gee, imagine putting your content on your website. Unthinkable.

  6. Anonymous May 1, 2021

    Sometimes (if not mostly) they reject you if your IQ is too high.

  7. Curious May 8, 2021

    I assume most of the people who tweeted these are still without a job

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