86 thoughts on “20 Tricks to Appear Smart In Meetings”

  1. Imma be real, I’ve used a few of these myself in meetings I have had ZERO clues about the last one does NOT work in your favour cuz YOU will most likely be the one voted for summarising :’)

  2. 21: If someone else in the meeting is playing these same rule – get close to them and take a flash photo of them and/or turn on the torchlight app and shine it in their eyes for a bit then announce something like “so, what work streams do we need to integrate in order to get this done?”

  3. Every meeting with every MBA consultant I’ve ever hired or worked with- particularly newbies gunning for a directorship. I am no better though. Love the work streams suggestion- will be adding that to the repertoire.

  4. I’ve been to many useless meetings where I had zero clue why I was there except to fill a seat. I always remarked that upon leaving because **** meetings

  5. I used the “can we go back one slide” one about two hours ago. I briefly looked at it, nodded, and said “that’s fine, you can carry on now”.
    Full on wanker mode engaged, just bored more than anything.

  6. “Will it scale?”

    I always answer that one with “…in what dimension/aspect?”

    Whacks the fakers and buzzword-jockeys every time, since they instantly freeze with this delicious look of incoherence.

    An Engineer. ;)

  7. Leverage… …going forward… …can we have a scrum to cover this weekly… IBM was a great meeting bullsh*t training ground but wished I had these when I worked there.

  8. Walk in, sit down, take your watch off, place it in front of you with the face propped up and say “We have 15 minutes to impress me.

  9. Also flawlessly justify anything you state at a meeting, be it true or false, fact or opinion, with the logic: “because at the end of the day…” (conclude with buzzphrase like) “this will impact our bottom line”.

  10. I had a VP of sales use a modified version of #18: “I don’t disagree with you…” Could never pony up and agree with anyone on anything.

  11. If someone is talking too long or more than five sentences ask them to “nutshell” it for you. Then ask them how many patents they have. Tell them you have three for software you designed even if you don’t. When you want to talk to someone in private call it taking this conversation “offline”

  12. The last one could work if your laptop battery conveniently died ‘my laptop died, who gonna summarize the meeting?

  13. I had a lazy ****** who bought his way a long distance with #10 and #16 before meeting me, but I spot the pattern quickly and eventually managed to get him out on the open. He’s still slugging around, but plays no importance in decision making.

  14. The nouns into verbs drives me bonkers. The Ask is… Whats the Solve… It sounds just as intelligent to me as someone saying LOL out loud.

  15. “Solutioning” is the one that is currently sucking my will to live. “Let’s meet so we can focus on solutioning.”

  16. After this great post spreads across linkedin. I can’t wait till meetings become “rap battles” the to and fro serve up #1 only to have #6 returned then replying with #7 the Dropped Mic moment #20 the joy of the volley will be hilarious. Great stuff

  17. This all sounds great, guys, buy I wonder if there’s a meta-question here about whether we should take this and pivot to avoid overindexing.

  18. These make me laugh. . .it’s often the biggest jerks in the organization who do this and it’s soooo obvious. . .

  19. Other “buzzwords” that sound ridiculous but for some reason are loved by mgmt., -Let’s triage that issue -What’s the cadence on that project? -We can circle back on that later -We’ll perform a lift and shift on that -Let’s put a fence around that to find a solution. Other keywords – Scope, sustain, integrate, agile, value proposition, deploy, leverage, hedge, exposure, dashboard, customize, transform, pain points, engagement, touchpoint, initiative, synergy, align, transition and governance. Just combine these words into your vocab and you’re immediately director level material.

  20. Sorry I had to step out for that call, would you please step back a bit and repeat anything that isn’t obvious?

  21. before I retired – I did the Venn diagram and watched the eyes glaze over. being a veteran acronyms could just roll off my tongue. I was uninvited to some meetings and the entertainment at others.

  22. Do not, repeat, do not use #20. The immediate reaction will be, “Thanks, you take care of that, will you?”

  23. Most memorable quote from my former IBM manager – “Meetings are good provided there are no chairs in the room”

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