Brilliant Tweets About Dating (Part 2)

Twitter is basically for two things: Sharing hot takes you pray are smart and won’t get you canceled and tweeting jokes about the sad state of your personal life. Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. And if you don’t tweet about it, you’ll certainly never go viral! Below, we have listed some of the best tweets we’ve come across about dating and what it’s like to be single in this day and age. Link to the Part 1 can be found at the bottom of this post.

when guys on dating apps ask me who my favourite philosopher is i make up a random german sounding name. half of the time they “oh yeah i’ve read some of his stuff”

it's stupid when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me. it's like saying you're hungry when there's a hot dog on the ground outside

There are plenty of fish in the sea but there’s also a garbage patch the size of Texas so y'all be careful out there

DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.

me: dating sucks, lot of weirdos out there me on dates: hey i had three beers before you got here do you believe in ghosts

Girls actually text each other like...

On a first date, my Bumble match declared, “I have gout.” To which I nodded sagely and, in attempt to make things less weird, said, “Just like Ben Franklin.” Looking back, I have no notes. I did my best.

[tinder first date] her: oh. I saw your profile picture holding the fish. I just assumed… fish: yeah this happens a lot

reminded of the time I went on a date with a girl to an aquarium and the tour guide pulled us aside at the end and quietly informed us that they had gay penguins

Dating one person from each zodiac sign all at once to figure out my least favorite

dating a woman isn’t hard all u gotta do is buy them heart shaped items and food

Just seen a bloke’s profile on Tinder. All it says is “The only exercise I get is running away from commitment”.

My flight was delayed 3 hours so I was doing what any human does when they’re bored. Minding my own business swiping through tinder & the guy behind me goes “ouch hard no for that one?” And I turn around ONLY TO SEE THE MAN I JUST SWIPED NO ON BEHIND ME HAHAHA

Dating a smart girl is like dating a detective who is on the case of why you suck.

date: so what do you do me: *holding up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food

Date *romantically opens car door for me* Me: Awww Date: Just get out

imagine matching with someone on tinder who had “LDR enthusiast” in their bio and asking them their opinion on ultraviolence and lana del rey’s musical and personal growth only to be told LDR stands for “long distance relationship”

Nightmare scenario: You start dating someone, and then, after deciding they're the one, you learn they say gracias to Chipotle employees

All I want is a guy who can figure out how to leave me alone while giving me all of his attention simultaneously

Answer a girl's text in under 5 seconds and you're a stalker; in over 10 seconds, you're an asshole who doesn't give a shit about her heart.

I know it's only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like to buy your dog.

Someone on tinder just unmatched me mid-conversation because I said I liked ketchup so yes it's going great

[first date] "Tell me two interesting things about yourself" well I lie when I'm nervous… "ok…" and I invented oatmeal

Want some more funny tweets about dating? Check out Part 1 here.

4 thoughts on “Brilliant Tweets About Dating (Part 2)”

  1. To think it took dating apps for humans to realize how awful we really are. How the hell did we manage to stuff the planet with 8 billion of us?

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