Brilliant Tweets About Dating

Dating is like a roller coaster. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s scary, but sometimes it makes you sick. Luckily, even if the date goes horribly, you can at least get a great tweet out of it!

They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? Trash. There is a lot of trash in the sea.

Tinder is the best place to find a husband. Sure it's someone else's husband but there are a lot of husbands on here.

Dating apps are like going to a zoo: It's fun to look at different creatures, but meeting some of them up close would be fucking terrifying.

What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates...

Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them

Love when men on dating apps ask me what my hobbies are bro idk I’m in my 30s I just go to bed

I do not understand why married people give me dating advice. That’s the exact situation I’m trying to avoid.

[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents]

[undoes GFs bra first time]

I just swiped right on so many girls without getting a match that I looked around to see if I was on a subway without service.

Dating me is like binge watching a show. After a while, you realize it isn't that great but you invested time so you reluctantly keep going.

Idk y men go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need

A flirty thing to whisper to a guy checking out your butt is "I keep poop in there" but don't forget to wink or it won't work

Just seen a bloke’s profile on Tinder. All it says is “The only exercise I get is running away from commitment”.

Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.

I'm so accustomed to swiping left that even when I go to swipe right, I am physically incapable.

My taste in men is so bad, the walk of shame for me is when I'm on my way to a date

The best part of a relationship is the very beginning when you haven't met yet and your still single

I love women that are extremely honest...

There should be an online dating seminar that explains the difference between YOUR & YOU'RE. In related news, I'm going to die alone.

First date - I'll have an ice water and a lettuce wedge...

New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.

Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.

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