Top 30 Worst Irish Jokes

Usually “Top 30… something” lists include the best stuff. We, however, like to make lists of the worst things. After stupid puns list and worst British problems list, it’s only fair to take a look at Irish jokes that are so bad, they’re kinda funny.

1. What’s the difference between God and Bono? God doesn’t wander around Dublin thinking he’s Bono.

2. How can Irish people tell when it’s summer? The rain gets warmer.

3. What’s an Irish seven-course meal? A six-pack and a potato.

4. What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk.

5. Why are there no Irish lawyers? Because none of them could pass the bar.

6. Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe? Its population is always Dublin.

7. Never iron a four-leaf clover… You don’t want to press your luck.

8. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? They’re always a little short.

9. What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.

10. What do you call an Irishman covered in boils? A leper-chaun.

11. Why are the Irish so concerned about global warming? They’re really into green living.

12. An Irishman walked out of the bar and… please, don’t interrupt! Yes it is possible!

13. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Ireland! Ireland who? Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.

14. What do you call a big Irish spider? A Paddy long legs.

15. How can you tell an Irishman is having a good time? He’s Dublin over with laughter.

16. How do you blind an Irishman? You put a bottle of scotch in front of him.

17. Did you hear about the winner of the Irish beauty contest? Me neither.

18. Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland? A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

19. Why are so many leprechauns gardeners? They have green thumbs.

21. What’s long and green and has a low I.Q.? A St. Patrick’s Day parade.

22. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? A bachelor.

23. Have you heard about the Irish boomerang? It doesn’t come back, it just sings songs about how much it longs to.

24. What do you call an Irishman with 1,000 girlfriends? A shepherd.

25. What do you call an Irish baker? A gingerbread man.

26. What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation? Small talk.

27. How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

28. My grandmother was 80% Irish Her name was Iris.

29. Why are there so few Irish vampires? They can’t stand Gaelic.

30. What is black and blue and found floating upside down in the Irish sea? Someone who tells stupid Irish jokes.

12 thoughts on “Top 30 Worst Irish Jokes”

  1. How about some Jewish jokes?

    Maybe some African American jokes?

    Yeah, thought so.

    Your truly,
    Some Mick

  2. Oh my…..
    I am a German and we are said to have no Humor… But reading those comments it seems like some other nations got a stick in their arse…
    If an actual Irish person would read that, in 90% of the cases they would laugh about it, same as I laugh about jokes that target German stereotypes.
    It’s those oversensitive self-aggrandizing wannabes that are feeling passively offended, while those who are targeted actually don’t care and actually GET THE JOKE.

    Grow a pair you p..sies

  3. To Howard M. Burger, I‘m Jewish and live in Germany. One of my hobbies is to tell jokes about Jews and holocaust. The Germans get so red that they can pass as Irish.

  4. Name seven Irish holidays that are celebrated with binge drinking! — Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday …

    ♣ Drink till yer green! ♣

  5. Some of these are more related to welsh and scottish people than irish…

    None of them are really funny either

  6. Uisce beatha ( Irish pronunciation: [ˈɪʃcə ˈbʲahə] ), literally “water of life”, is the name for whiskey in Irish. – Wikipedia

    everywhere else, it’s tea.

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