An Honest Horoscope! Finally!

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We all are guilty of checking our horoscopes once in a while. Even those who don’t believe in them have read what the future holds for their star sign at least once out of pure curiosity. While your birth date may not have anything to do with your fate or who you are as a person, sometimes horoscopes can make us take a hard and honest look at ourselves. Especially honest ones.

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a jerk.

You have a vivid imagination and often think you’re followed by the CIA. You have no influence on your friends and lack confidence. You are generally a dipshit.

You are the pioneer type and think that most people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You’re a damn commie.

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You’re inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.

You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a damn. Everybody in prison is a cancer.

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you’re an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You’re vain and can’t tolerate honest criticism. Leos spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

You are the logical type and hate discord. It’s sickening to your friends. You are unemotional and often fall asleep while f**king. Virgos are good bus drivers and pimps.

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you’re male, you are nil. Most libra women are wh**es. All libras die of venereal disease.

You are shrewd in business and can’t be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most scorpios are murderers.

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of sagittarians are drunks. You’re worthless.

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken. There has never been a capricorn of any importance.

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