Brilliant Amazon-Style Reviews of Animals

We all know it’s a good idea to check the product reviews before buying something, whether it is a dehydrated water in a can or the latest iPhone. Most people are used to seeing a 1-5 star rating next to inanimate objects, however, these Twitter users decided to put a twist on the usual format.

SO GOOD Came with super cute case. Not the fastest but outlasts every comparable unit. Retractable accessories. Dropped into a pond and still works perfectly

very unsatisfied with the shipping. I ordered a frog and what I got was this big melted pile.

NOT WHAT I ORDERED I ordered a duck, otter, and beaver bundle apparently there was some kind of freak accident in shipping or something. Contacted shipper, they claim no error. Bad seller. NEVER BUYING AGAIN!

Do not approach if you have a fear of clowns. Has better eyeliner than your girl ever will. Maybe it’s natural, maybe it’s Maybelline? Rocket powered and semi-aquatic. Would win a “how many fish can you fit in your mouth” contest.

YOU WONT BE DISAPPOINTED This stylish little unit is amazing. Sound quality A+. No distortion at full volume but bass is a little weak. Top rotates which is a plus.

Pleasantly surprised. Thought I had ordered a Roomba, but this did an excellent job of cleaning up my ecosystem. Only downside is the projectile vomiting. Overall 5 stars, would drunkenly purchase again.

2/5 stars only. The description stated it was a mammal. Upon arrival this echidna laid an egg. A baby hatched out, that I later found out is called a puggle. I swear if I wanted more Harry Potter Fantastic Beasts I would by another book!

built to last, cold-proof, highly intelligent, photogenic, very high grocery bill, does not actually enjoy coca cola or associate with penguins

CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT! Great for flowers and plants! Can create it's own living space with A/C and communications. Provides own sports gel for energy. May in fact run the Illuminati.

3/5 Audio Recorder: Mixed feelings on this review. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. It only records what it finds interesting. AND will replay LOUDLY usually at or BEFORE sunrise.Also, no battery needed. Requires fresh fruits & veggies. VERY MESSY.

[NO STARS] Order not received. I wanted a pair of walkingsticks for my next hike. When the box arrived, all I got was a pile of plant material.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS Overall very good first impressions. Sturdy built, totally winter-ready and waterproof. Only comes in brown but that’s actually a plus for me.

VERY LOUD Was described as “gregarious, and charmingly vocal.” More like Jurassic Park. Only works on ONE island. Kids seem to love it.

Couldn’t afford a real Picasso. But this is a great substitute.

LATE SHIPMENT AND WRONG SIZE Ordered a mobile home, but not only it arrived late, but also wrong size, and already has a tenant who claims to have a lifetime renter's clause in their agreement.

We're a FANDA of the red panda. Low maintenance. Self cleaning. Extra fluff included.

Jumbo-sized industrial cleaner. Fast learner with legendary RAM drive capacity. Comes with dexterous, extendable nozzle with tremendous reach. Elegant design & surprisingly quiet when in operating mode, but alarm is very effective when threatened.

PROS: High-quality squeak system, thrives in rocky situations, hay for days. CONS: Maybe TOO cute. Potential pun hazard.

BEST DRESSED Dapper styling, sick dance moves, occasional fish breath. Definitely performs better in groups.

SO MUCH FUN Cuts through the water like butter. Not great for white water but perfect for lakes, ponds, etc. Set-up is easy and it won’t flip. Variable speed. No mount for GoPro.

Classic choice. Simply the best

8 thoughts on “Brilliant Amazon-Style Reviews of Animals”

  1. I am a bit puzzled, why did the red panda get only four stars? There were no downsides mentioned.

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