Funny And Very Relatable Tweets About Driving

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We just read a statistic that said 73% of Americans consider themselves better-than-average drivers. Though anyone that drives on a regular basis would probably disagree with the reality of this statement. Regardless of whether you consider yourself a good driver or not, you will relate to these funny tweets.

Just because you’re going 5 miles over the speed limit doesn’t mean you can drive in the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real.

“Everyone driving slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac.” -George Carlin

Whenever I see someone trying to parallel park I avert my eyes and continue walking giving them the privacy they need because I’m a decent human being

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield. It said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

Whenever people tailgate me when I’m going 40 in a 35 I always purposely slow down because it’s like I gave you an extra 5 and you didn’t appreciate it so now you get nothing

Driving tests should have a portion where a kid in the backseat just pummels you with rapid-fire questions while you try to merge.

Me at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world? Me while driving: I hate every single person on this planet.

How to Parallel Park Step 1. Park somewhere else.

Your car will never make that noise for the mechanic. Your car is like “That’s our special noise. I only make that noise for you.”

Before marriage, I would sit at stop lights for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it's equally awkward for both of us.

My daughter in college texted me and asked where to go to get air in her tires. I told her the gas station and I swear on all that is holy her response was this, “I only have $88 in my bank account. Will it cost more than that?”

My husband suggests that I sleep when we take road trips but then who would give him helpful information like, “the light is red!” or “that car is stopping!”?

Kids today have cool cars, and I object. Your first car needs to be a 1984 Geo Metro with a cracked windshield, an 8-track stuck on smooth jazz, a door that won't open, sparks flying off the tailpipe, and an ignition that only turns if you pray the Rosary 5 times.

Just heard someone asking for directions in a gas station like our forefathers

If you like answering a million questions, listening to crappy music & ruining your car's resale value, maybe a road trip with kids is right for you.

gas prices so high right now if i miss a exit i’m backing up

“I’m just gonna get gas in the morning” is one of the worst decisions you can make as an adult.

Before getting married, you should be required to go on a road trip. If your relationship can survive 10 or more hours of your partner panic gasping every time you speed up and change lanes, you’re meant to be.

It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest!! KNEES TO CHEST!

I’m at that age where we drive through a busy intersection and I tell you I remember when it was just a stop sign and all this was empty fields.

My husband would take a bullet for me, but he'd also criticize the way I drove him to the hospital afterward.

Honestly tho, the worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.

8 thoughts on “Funny And Very Relatable Tweets About Driving”

  1. Drove my sister’s Tesla a few weeks back. That thing was ridiculously fast. With the number of people who rely on new cars’ assistance for everything from parallel parking to lane drift warnings, I’m surprised half of California isn’t upside-down in a ditch.

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  2. My daughter got her learner’s permit this summer, which in my state means 40 hours of parent-supervised driving before she can get her actual license. It only took about two hours before she had mastered the most important driving skill: cursing at other drivers.

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  3. Living in the metro DC region is a daily reminder that there are 50 states in the Union, and not one of them follows the same unspoken rules of the road. Add to that drivers from over a hundred different countries with a license to kill (aka diplomat plates), and the typical mess that is morning and afternoon rush 3-hours — really any time of the day — begins to make total sense. I-495 and I-66 are synonymous with road rage and hatred for fellow human beings.

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  4. Lurking Coward is correct. We have a point system for bad drivers. One is for diplomatic plates. Drivers wearing hats that are not baseball hats. Like straw hats, fedoras, pork pie hats.

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  5. For those that live in the DC area….I was partly responsible for the asphalt spaghetti around there and the Springfield Interchange.
    I’m sorry, it’s a burden that I must bear for the rest of my misbegotten life.

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  6. @Pete
    How many points do you get for hitting each of those people? My state doesn’t have fun stuff like that.

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  7. My rule for voting for a candidate is that I’ll never vote for someone whom I wouldn’t want driving in front of me when I’m running late for work. Not much of a choice lately.

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  8. The Geo Metro wasn’t introduced until 1989 and 8-track tapes were no longer being produced by 1982 or so.

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