The Married Kama Sutra

The Married Kama Sutra: The World’s Least Erotic Sex Manual” book can be classified under either non-fiction or horror depending on the person reading it. Scroll down to see some of the funniest examples! Warning: these entirely safe-for-work images might make you never want to get married!

When the man is loading the dishwasher, and the woman must come over, because he is loading it wrong, it is called "The Dishwasher Position".

When the man passes gas in front of the woman, without so much as an apology, it is called "The Shifting of The Standards".

When the man and the woman have eaten Indian food, and are too swollen with rice to make conversation, let alone love, it is called "The Beaching of The Whales".

When the man lightly kisses the woman’s neck, and the woman tenderly strokes the man’s chest, and the child runs into the room screaming, because he heard a scary noise, or some other bullshit, it is called "The Interrupted Congress".

When the woman enters the room, and the man quickly closes his laptop, because he has been looking up ex-girlfriends on Facebook, it is called "A Close Call".

When the woman needs help moving furniture, and she does not ask the man, but instead hires the local teenager, and the teenager takes off his shirt in front of the woman, and the man watches her watching the boy with a look in her eyes that he has not seen in years, it is called "The Wounded Hippopotamus".

When the man travels to a sporting event with other men and the woman in his absence takes a long hot bath and drinks wine out of a box it’s called "A Moment’s Peace".

When the toddler is at grandmother’s, and the man and the woman have plans to go out, but decide instead to drug themselves with Ambien at 7:30 pm because all they truly crave is the sweet release of sleep, it is called "The Waltz of The Sloths".

When the woman demands that the man buys some new clothes, because he has not bought new clothes in years, and he physically resists as she pushes him into the store, it is called "The Stubborn Goat".

When the woman spends hours at the hair salon and returns home with bangs, and the man has no reaction whatsoever, it is called "The Blindness of The Mole".

When the man has his first weekend off from work in a month, and the woman makes him drive upstate to see her sisters, and they all talk about him like he isn’t in the room, it is called "Inside The Snake Den".

When the woman cleans an area near the man’s feet to imply that he too should be cleaning, it is called “The Prodding Position".

9 thoughts on “The Married Kama Sutra”

  1. OMG. Taking the husband shopping for clothes is the best one. Even after you get him in the store, he spends the entire time complaining about the prices, expecting things to cost the same as they did 30 years ago, which was the last time he willingly went shopping. This is why wives just go by stuff, bring it home, make them try it on, and return what doesn’t work. And we all claim it was on 50% off sale whether it was or not, just to cut off the price drama before it even starts.

  2. Kohl’s is what got me back to shopping for clothes. Nothing more satisfying than seeing that receipt that says your total price is $87 and the original price was $1285 for a savings of 93% off.

  3. Outrightly ridiculous and not hilarious by any standards. Brainless goo being passed off as humour. Guess COVID times have numbed your brains too

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