The Funniest Parenting Tweets of 2020

Parenting is about love, balancing priorities, managing responsibilities… And being able to laugh about all of it, of course! Twitter moms and dads are completely honest about raising their kids. What’s more, they often confess their trials and tribulations in the funniest ways. Scroll down to see the best entries of 2020!

My wife just pulled me into the other room and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk but she just wanted to give me m&m’s without the kids seeing.

My 5-year old is rebelling against zoom school by mouthing words instead of speaking so as to make her teacher think there’s something wrong with the unmuting function

My dad has been doing a huge amount of childcare for us in quarantine so I’m delighted to announce my 1-year old baby gestures and shrugs like a 64-year old Jewish man.

Instead of blowing up things for a gender reveal party, the parents to be should hand out wallets. If there’s a dollar inside, it’s a boy, if there’s 72 cents, it’s a girl

Somehow I’ve lucked out and have an 8yo who thinks secretly reading under the covers past her bedtime is an act of rebellion, and it hasn’t yet occurred to her that her flashlights never seem to run out of batteries.

Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.

My wife wanted to climb the tree in our front yard to hang Christmas lights, but my toddler cried and begged her not to so she wouldn't get hurt. It's was a warm, caring moment that showed how much she loves her mom. Moments later, she suggested I climb the tree instead.

My daughter asked me what it's like to be a parent, so I followed her around asking, "why?" over and over until she started crying.

My 4 year old just got mad at me for not calling myself the Best Mom in the World, so if you’re looking for a life coach who’ll scream at you until you believe in yourself, have I got a recommendation for you.

I just yelled, “1, 2, 3 mommy is lava!” and my kids ran away, leaving me to drink my coffee in peace. I’m pretty sure I’ve peaked for the day.

Real teachers know Math.

Who needs drunken nights out when you’ve got toddlers?

I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also know that she is 12 when kids eat free.

Sometimes I like to mess with my family and hide their stuff where they can't find it.

It’s amazing humans can learn something new everyday. For example, every Tuesday my husband learns our son has soccer practice at 6.

If I ever get kidnapped and taken to an undisclosed location, I'm sure my five year old will find me whenever they let me use the bathroom.

4 has been carrying a small notebook around all day. She opens it, writes small scribbles and quickly closes it back up...

I don’t know why people say having a dog prepares you for having a kid because my dog has never wanted to watch Frozen 47 days in a row.

My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away

27 hours of labor was worth it because when I shake my baby’s chunky leg and go “Ring ring ring!” and then put his fat cannoli foot to my ear and say “Hello?!” he laughs so hard he barfs.

.

7 Comments

 Add your comment
  1. Anonymous December 1, 2020

    That one… with the reading past bedtime. The eternal flashlight. That person, I would love to meet and shake her by the hand.

    34
  2. Prolably December 1, 2020

    My father also thinks he can hear voices inside my bodyparts. I should prolly put him in a home soon.

    6
    5
  3. Anonymous December 2, 2020

    Gender reveal party… Huh, I guess, it’ll be the next thing certain people will want to ban. After all, sex doesn’t exist…

    5
    28
  4. Anonymous December 2, 2020

    Sex does exist!! I had some this morning

    29
  5. Laura December 2, 2020

    The last one was gold. My husband and i were crying 😂

    10
    1
  6. Ray December 3, 2020

    The one that made his mom turn off the ceiling fan – My 12 year old said that his confidence is through the roof

    10
  7. Anonymous December 4, 2020

    Always wondered why my parents left a nightlight under the desk in my bedroom for years longer than necessary. Guess they couldn’t afford batteries for my flashlight.

Leave Name blank to comment as Anonymous.