Parents Sharing The Funniest Things Their Kids Have Said

Kids are known to say things honestly and with absolutely no filter. They often come up with such hilarious things to say that parents just have to go to Twitter to share. And it’s a good thing, because then we can have a laugh too. Scroll down to see the best examples!

Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots."

When I told my five year old son that his shoes were on the wrong feet he looked down at them and then back at me and said, “they’re the only feet I have.”

Can we get a kitten?

[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*

My son, irritated at some rule I was enforcing, grumbled, “Daddy is the fun parent.” I gave him the Eye and asked him what that made me then? He paused ever so briefly & then said, “The smart parent.” I told him “Nice save.”

Younger niece (age 3+) looked at her older sister (5+) and said, "Sometimes I wish you were my brother." Older sister, looked at younger sister, without blinking and said, "Sometimes I wish you were a fish."

I was in a restroom in London & I heard a mom talking to her young son in the stall next to me, “Mummy said don’t eat the toilet paper!” He replied, “Then why are we even here?”

I was driving in rush hour, frustrated and muttering about how slow we were moving. My then-3 year old suddenly piped up from her carseat, "What's the matter mommy, are you pissed off about all the damn traffic?"


I took an overnight trip with my sister’s family many years ago The motel we found was a real dump. My 6-year-old niece looked around and pronounced, “Well, it’s not Buckingham Palace, but it’ll do.”

Me: I’m only going to ask you to clean this mess up ONE more time. 6-year-old: That’s good. I was tired of hearing you ask.

asked my 5 year old if she was done with lunch and she stood up and said “I am done with lunch. AND I AM DONE WITH THIS WORLD!” then she threw half a hot pocket at me and ran out of the room crying and I have never had more respect for anyone

6yo: I hope you live forever. Me: Oh that’s sweet. 6yo: Because even when I’m an old man I’m going to ask you to wipe my butt.

My wife and I still laugh about our older son, age 5, clearly unhappy about having a younger brother. Came to us, heaved a sigh, and said “My life isn’t turning out the way I thought it would.”

This morning my son asked me if I lied a lot and that's why my nose is so big, but yeah I cherish every moment of parenthood.

When my girls were small they got in trouble for arguing not long before bed. My oldest told her little sister from her top bunk, “that’s fine. But just think, my dead skin cells fall on you all night.”

Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!

My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."

5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands

10: Mom what's a metaphor? Me: My life is a train wreck. 10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?

“Daddy, that chicken’s ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it,” and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me.

I was lifeguarding and a little boy threw his ball out of the water and his mom goes “maybe if you ask the pretty lifeguard she will grab the ball for you!” This kid looked me dead in the eye and goes “.....where’s the pretty one?” KIDS ARE RUTHLESS LMAO

today we asked my three year old cousin how much he weighs and he said, "uhhh, like fifty squirrels"

Our goldfish died. When I told my then 5 year old son we had buried it in the garden he burst into tears. I was trying to think of how to explain how all living things die when he tearfully said "I wanted to eat it"

Are you a parent? Has your kid said anything brilliantly funny? Share with us in the comments below and don’t forget to follow our Twitter account for more funny stuff!

4 thoughts on “Parents Sharing The Funniest Things Their Kids Have Said”

  1. My toddler from the car seat, his mother driving across the Golden Gate Bridge on a road trip, and he was practicing nouns, exclaimed, “Mommy, look! It’s a bus! It’s a f*cking bus!”
    Wife came home from the trip and yelled at me, “You’re getting a quarter jar!”
    “Why me? I wasn’t even in the car!”

  2. When my boys were 6&8 I got after them for fighting. I told them they had the choice to either hug each other or get a spanking. The 6 yr old says I’ll hug brother. The 8 year old says I’ll take the spanking!🤦🏻‍♀️

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