1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
5. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
6. Meow occasionally.
7. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
8. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
9. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
10. Burp, and then say “mmmm…tasty!”
11. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
12. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
13. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
14. Do Tai Chi exercises.
15. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
16. Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
17. Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
18. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
19. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.
20. Try to start a sing-along.
21. Shadow box.
22. Say “Ding!” at each floor.
23. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
24. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
25. Bring a chair along.
26. Blow spit bubbles.
27. Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
28. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
29. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
30. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
31. Stare at your thumb and say “I think it’s getting larger.”
32. Turn to other passengers and say “I suppose you are all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today…”
33. Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. Bring a shovel and try to dig a hole.
36. When people get on, ask for their tickets and check that they meet the “height requirements.”
37. Swat at flies that don’t exist.
38. When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open up again.”
39. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
40. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
41. Push the call button, when the voice answers ask, “God?”
42. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
43. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
44. Move your desk into the elevator and when ever someone gets on, ask if “they have an appointment.”
45. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, scream “That’s mine!”
46. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
47. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
48. Announce to the person stood next to you “I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?”
49. Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Latvia.
50. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”