Awkward Christian Music Album Covers

You know what they say “The higher the hair, the closer to God”. But seriously: what’s up with the outlandish haircuts, creepy references to touching, and eerie ventriloquist dummies?

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

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Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

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35 Comments

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  1. Archie January 11, 2020

    Some of these are rather scary. What kind of people would believe in god enough to devote so much of themselves to him? “Jesus use me!” “The cross and the switchblade” both rather ominous. Guess that’s what being bred, born and raised around religion.

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  2. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    Some of these are rather scary. What kind of people would believe in god enough to devote so much of themselves to him? “Jesus use me!” “The cross and the switchblade” both rather ominous. Guess that’s what being bred, born and raised around religion.

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  3. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    Ah shit, looks like I duplicated that comment.

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  4. Mark Stothard January 11, 2020

    God did that.

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  5. Mark Stothard January 11, 2020

    I hope Greg Kendrick has the courage to come forward and declare exactly who touched him.

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  6. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    OMG!!!

  7. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    “Let Me Touch Him” by The Minister’s Quartet was especially insightful, given how many men of the cloth have sexually abused young boys over the decades.

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  8. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    The Cross and The Switchblade was a film that came out in about 74 or 75, one of those films only shown at churches or church youth clubs.

  9. Claire January 11, 2020

    What’s up with all the ventriliquist dummies?

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  10. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    My uncle was a minister in PA. & he had a dummy named Willie Witness & they went all over the world. He was even on that old show “Real People.” He was “billed” as a minister magician. I always thought it was the creepiest thing in the world & that he was the only one who used a dummy!

  11. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    The Cross and the Switchblade is a book written in 1962 by pastor David Wilkerson with John and Elizabeth Sherrill. It tells the true story of Wilkerson’s first five years in New York City, where he ministered to disillusioned youth, encouraging them to turn away from the drugs and gang violence they were involved with and to turn to Jesus. The book became a best seller, with more than 16 million copies distributed in over 30 languages.Wikipedia

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  12. Auntie Christ January 11, 2020

    At least Jesus loves them. Which is nice.

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  13. Lizabeth Gussman January 11, 2020

    Larry Hagman was in the Cross and the Switchblade.

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  14. Arnold January 11, 2020

    Whats with all the hand puppets? Scary…

  15. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    Eric Estrada of Chips was in “The Cross and The Switchblade “

  16. Bobbi January 11, 2020

    Is it common knowledge that evangelicals have a puppet fetish, or is this news to everyone, including me?

  17. Anonymous January 11, 2020

    Pretty funny. Regarding “The Cross And The Switchblade” it makes a little more sense if you know that there was a book and a movie made from it (with Pat Boone lol) based on the true story of a preacher who went into the criminal street gangs of New York. The idea is that “the cross proved stronger than the switchblade”.

  18. Friend of the Devil January 11, 2020

    All the ladies with Big Hair look like Trannies

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  19. Tony Montana January 11, 2020

    Nick Cruz…Tells His Personal Testimony…
    About What? Being a leader of Knife Wielding Thugs???

  20. dirty minded girl January 11, 2020

    I know what some of these are going for, but my dirty mind twists it. “The Unseen hand” “Let me Touch Him”…

  21. LD January 11, 2020

    The Cross and the Switchblade was a book and movie about a minister who wne to preach to street gangs.

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  22. Anonymous January 12, 2020

    is the Miracle at My House… the Exorcist?

  23. anon January 12, 2020

    I wonder if fundies still lug around those puppets to brainwash young kids in hot fart-smelling church basements. Any REAL kid would run like the dickens, or fall asleep in the folding chairs against the cement-block wall.

  24. Anonymous January 12, 2020

    useen hand
    Economics AND Religion
    nice

  25. Marcus Mosey January 13, 2020

    @Archie The Cross and the Switch Blade is an amazing true story. How a skinny country evangelist called Wilkerson went into the worst ganglands of 60s New York, and saw loads of gangs transformed. Whilst the album covers are hilarious and now seem very misguided, you should check out Nicky Cruz/ Wilkerson on line.

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  26. He Who Must Not Be Named January 13, 2020

    Jesus and Superman are gay lovers confirmed

  27. rickn8or January 13, 2020

    RE: “Barren Cross” In the words of Hank Hill, “You’re not making religion better, you’re making Rock worse!”

  28. Anonymous January 14, 2020

    Which of the Minister Quartet touched little Greg Kendrick, and who does the unseen hand belong to and who did it touch?

  29. Koizoh Rível January 14, 2020

    Not bad for religious albums. Drag queens telling you to use them (for Christ’s sake, just do it!), someone touching whoever, unseen hands beneath something, switchblades, Jesus and Superman spicing up Pride Parades, agender or gender bender couples and puppets, giants, martial arts, Satan and Down’s all in one same big bucket. In the boring old days we just burned cats, books and people to a crisp.

  30. Chris Chen January 14, 2020

    This is why Jesus was “God become flesh” — so he could face-palm at these album covers.

  31. Anonymous January 15, 2020

    Archie, Yes, you, the first commenter! we know who you are! We will get you! )))

  32. Archie January 15, 2020

    Ah shit, here we go again. (((

  33. Anonymous January 22, 2020

    Young boy on cover: “He touched me”, grown men on cover: “Let me touch him” .. Wtf.

  34. Anonymous April 19, 2020

    Why do most of the females look like men in drag I wonder.

  35. Bea May 28, 2020

    They forgot to make an album titled, “I Love Where He Touches Me!”

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