Awkward Christian Music Album Covers

You know what they say “The higher the hair, the closer to God”. But seriously: what’s up with the outlandish haircuts, creepy references to touching, and eerie ventriloquist dummies?

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

Awkward vintage Christian album cover.

46 thoughts on “Awkward Christian Music Album Covers”

  1. Some of these are rather scary. What kind of people would believe in god enough to devote so much of themselves to him? “Jesus use me!” “The cross and the switchblade” both rather ominous. Guess that’s what being bred, born and raised around religion.

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  2. Some of these are rather scary. What kind of people would believe in god enough to devote so much of themselves to him? “Jesus use me!” “The cross and the switchblade” both rather ominous. Guess that’s what being bred, born and raised around religion.

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  3. I hope Greg Kendrick has the courage to come forward and declare exactly who touched him.

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  4. “Let Me Touch Him” by The Minister’s Quartet was especially insightful, given how many men of the cloth have sexually abused young boys over the decades.

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  5. The Cross and The Switchblade was a film that came out in about 74 or 75, one of those films only shown at churches or church youth clubs.

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  6. My uncle was a minister in PA. & he had a dummy named Willie Witness & they went all over the world. He was even on that old show “Real People.” He was “billed” as a minister magician. I always thought it was the creepiest thing in the world & that he was the only one who used a dummy!

  7. The Cross and the Switchblade is a book written in 1962 by pastor David Wilkerson with John and Elizabeth Sherrill. It tells the true story of Wilkerson’s first five years in New York City, where he ministered to disillusioned youth, encouraging them to turn away from the drugs and gang violence they were involved with and to turn to Jesus. The book became a best seller, with more than 16 million copies distributed in over 30 languages.Wikipedia

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  8. Is it common knowledge that evangelicals have a puppet fetish, or is this news to everyone, including me?

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  9. Pretty funny. Regarding “The Cross And The Switchblade” it makes a little more sense if you know that there was a book and a movie made from it (with Pat Boone lol) based on the true story of a preacher who went into the criminal street gangs of New York. The idea is that “the cross proved stronger than the switchblade”.

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  10. Nick Cruz…Tells His Personal Testimony…
    About What? Being a leader of Knife Wielding Thugs???

  11. I know what some of these are going for, but my dirty mind twists it. “The Unseen hand” “Let me Touch Him”…

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  12. I wonder if fundies still lug around those puppets to brainwash young kids in hot fart-smelling church basements. Any REAL kid would run like the dickens, or fall asleep in the folding chairs against the cement-block wall.

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  13. @Archie The Cross and the Switch Blade is an amazing true story. How a skinny country evangelist called Wilkerson went into the worst ganglands of 60s New York, and saw loads of gangs transformed. Whilst the album covers are hilarious and now seem very misguided, you should check out Nicky Cruz/ Wilkerson on line.

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  14. RE: “Barren Cross” In the words of Hank Hill, “You’re not making religion better, you’re making Rock worse!”

  15. Which of the Minister Quartet touched little Greg Kendrick, and who does the unseen hand belong to and who did it touch?

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  16. Not bad for religious albums. Drag queens telling you to use them (for Christ’s sake, just do it!), someone touching whoever, unseen hands beneath something, switchblades, Jesus and Superman spicing up Pride Parades, agender or gender bender couples and puppets, giants, martial arts, Satan and Down’s all in one same big bucket. In the boring old days we just burned cats, books and people to a crisp.

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  17. Many of these albums remind me of the quote “the higher the hair the closer to god”. Some of these ladies are getting pretty damn close.

  18. Message always same: JESUS IS GOD AND YOU BETTER WORSHIP HIM OR YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!

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  19. Some of these covers are made up in order to be funny. The “Jesus Use Me” album has the same cover with different titles and different names for the artists. One was entitled “Jesus, What a Name” by the Singing Shytes. no kidding.

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