Women Hilariously Tweeting About Marriage

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Marriage is a journey through incredible heights, really low valleys, and a whole bunch of ordinary in between… and sometimes it’s just pure comedy. So we decided to collect the funniest tweets about married life from women’s perspective.

My husband pissed me off today, so I hid his keys by putting them in the spot where we keep our keys.

My mother-in-law loves to lecture me on the state of my house as if I don’t live with someone that she raised

My husband and I exchanged Valentine's Day cards 2 days ago in the card aisle at Target and then returned them to the shelf because we'd rather purchase Valentine's Day cannolis.

Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together: Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her.

My husband pissed me off so I bought another half-dozen throw pillows for our bed.

Accidentally forgot to pat my husband’s butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I was mad at him. Marriage. Is. Wild.

Me: Babe, out of my purse can you bring me my… *Husband brings entire purse*

My husband is with me every step of the way, in life, in love, in faith, in front of the kitchen drawer I need to get to

My husband still talks about the one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it's going to get our kids into Harvard

My husband just called me his “friend with tax benefits” and I’m so mad I didn’t think of it first

When my husband asks me where I want to eat, I always say, "Somewhere good." And then reject every one of his suggestions. I'm a delight.

My husband just said that “we” are going to start eating healthier. Still haven’t found who tf he’s talking to.

My husband: I’m a grown man. Please stop treating me like a child. Also my husband: Can you find my jacket? I’m hungry. I need a nap.

When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?

{On the phone with my mom} Me: What’s your secret to 55 years of marriage? Mom: We never hated each other on the same day.

The news is so disturbing and anxiety inducing so to relax my husband and I are watching The Shining

My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband.

Sometimes I hide condiments from my husband by moving them 3 inches to the left.

as someone who took her husband’s last name, I don’t recommend it. not for feminist reasons, but because sometimes I forget how to spell it

sometimes you fall asleep with your phone in your hand like you’re a raccoon clutching a hotdog - my husband, romancing me

The laws of marriage state that whenever there is a police car on your street, you must drop what you’re doing, alert your spouse, and speculate about the reason for its presence.

Funny marriage tweet.

Every marriage has one person who reports whenever a celebrity dies and one person who says “oh.”

my husband was trying to talk about Shrek but he couldn’t remember Shrek’s name (Shrek) so he called him “summertime grinch”

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