People Hilariously Exposing The Totally Unrealistic Behaviours of Movie Characters

Movies are filled with hilarious clichés that just don’t make any sense, and there is no chance any of them would work in the real world, especially when it comes to professions. Twitter users came together to point out the most ridiculous examples. Scroll down to see if your profession made the list!

Hello, I’m a bad guy in a film, and when I put a usb stick in anything I get it the right way round first time, every time.

Hello, I'm the Eiffel tower in a movie, you can see me from every single window of every building in Paris.

Hello, I'm an alien in a movie and I want to invade planet earth - when I say planet earth, I mean the US.

Hello. I am a person talking on a phone in a film. I never say goodbye when I hang up, and weirdly nobody else in that film ever seems to think that is really fucking rude.

Hello, I am a person driving a car in a film set in a major city. I will find a parking spot directly in front of whatever building I need to go into. I will not drive around the block 70 times while cursing at the top of my lungs nor will I park in a garage six blocks away.

Well, now. I’m the police tech who can miraculously ‘enhance’ that grainy bit of CCTV footage and zoom in so that you can see the killer’s reflection in the victim’s wedding ring. Everything will be controlled by me hammering furiously at the keyboard, and I’ll never hit ‘ENTER’.

Hi, I’m a pregnant lady in a movie. My waters break in a huge gush at the most inconvenient time while I experience my first and very painful contraction. Very soon I push a 3 month old out in one screaming heave. Baby is miraculously not attached to anything.

Hello. I am a mom making breakfast in a film. I serve fresh pastries, fruit salad and bacon rashers on a tableclothed table and juice in a jug. My children never eat it though, they grab a bagel and walk out the door because they're always about to miss the school bus.

Hello, I am a person in a movie who had received a blow to the head with sufficient force to render me unconscious. I will shortly wake up and rub my head briefly. I will suffer no other ill effects.

Hi, I'm a teacher in a film and the bell always rings just as I'm summing up the lesson so I just shout that I want your test papers on my desk by Thursday morning.

Hello, I am a chubby black woman in a movie. I am just here to be your sassy friend with the witty comebacks. Mostly, I'll just say "Girrrrrrllllllluh" and "mm hm" a lot in addition to shaking my head in disapproval.

I'm a military radar technician in a movie and I don't exist until I say "sir, you'd better take a look at this" and then I'm never seen or heard from again.

Hello. I’m a computer geek in a movie. I can break into any system by typing random keys extremely fast then shouting ‘I’m in!’ All the while this is happening green text will be projected scrolling up my face. My T shirt has a band on it too.

Hello. I am a person waking up in the morning in a film and I don’t need a wee. Nobody else in that film thinks I’m a medical marvel

Hello. I’m a collection of bills in your wallet. Whatever you pay for - taxi, pizza, bribe, tip - you will never need to look at me, count me, or require change. I am the perfect amount. Always.

Hello. I am a person in a film or TV drama playing a criminal mastermind who harbours an irresistible need to explain my methods and motivation to the story’s hero before failing to kill him/her.

Hello, I’m a grocery bag in a movie. I always have a baguette in me and I’m alway made of paper with no handles.

Hi, I’m a sexy woman who just had sex in a film. I casually put on his white oversized shirt even though getting my own clothes from the floor takes the same time and effort.

Hello. I’m a teacher in a film & my only purpose in the entire movie is to introduce the new kid to my class in a way to ensure that she’s immediately bullied. She’s going to come in late to a hushed class accompanied by the principal for maximum awkwardness.

Hello, I'm a lab scientist in a movie. I wear my hair down in flowing waves, and don no gloves as I handle chemicals with the pipette I'm holding the wrong way. Also test results come in a split second at the push of a button on a miracle machine.

Hi, I'm the doctor wheeling your wife into emergency surgery. I'll let you sprint through the halls of the hospital with us until we reach a particular set of double doors where I will turn to you and say, "Please wait outside, let me do my job."

Hi, I'm your wacky next door neighbor. I run over to your house whenever I want, shouting "Have you heard the news? Turn on the tv!" Miraculously, it's always on the right channel at the precise moment the story is breaking.

I’m a guy in a movie asking a girl out on a date, she says yes and we part ways smiling, without discussion a date, time, or location for said date.

Hello, I'm a writer in a movie. I write one piece a week and live in a two bedroom New York apartment with a walk-in wardrobe. Also I never actually pitch anywhere, the jobs just come to me.

Did we miss some completely unrealistic things that only happen in movies? Let us know in the comments, and don’t forget to follow us on Twitter for more funny stuff!

45 thoughts on “People Hilariously Exposing The Totally Unrealistic Behaviours of Movie Characters”

  1. Hello, I’m getting ready for bed in a movie. I finish brushing my teeth with no toothpaste and a dry brush, but I’ll spit once anyway.

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  2. Hello, I’m a werewolf in a movie. I run all over the fields and through the woods. I may even skulk through the alleys in a city. I never get fleas or anything stuck in my fur.

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  3. Hello! I am the Captain of a space ship in a fleet of space ships, and when we approach another ship in the vastness of deep space, both ships arrive on the same plane and elevation to one and other without ever having to adjust for pitch or roll.

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  4. Hi, I’m a dangerous great white shark who jumps out of the tropical shallow waters while loudly growling.

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  5. Hello, I’m petrol in The Walking Dead. Even though you can’t leave me in your lawnmower for a year without going bad and gunking up the engine, years after the zombie apocalypse I can still be used in Daryl’s awesome motorcycle.

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  6. Hello, we’re the main characters who are about to engage in the obligatory love scene about half way through the movie, even though there’s imminent danger and everything has been very stressful up to this point. At no time do we feel the need to disappear to the bathroom to brush our teeth, ‘freshen up’ or discuss protection. We absolutely don’t need a box of tissues afterwards, either.

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  7. Hi, I’m a line of cocaine in a British gangster movie. You’ll see me within 5mins of the movie starting. It’s my job to let you know the characters are a little dangerous and know how to party. You’ll probably see my colleague, ‘Lap Dancing Club’ further into the film.

    12
  8. Hi, Im a computer in any movie. You’ve adjusted my sound setting, so that when a text or piece og code shows up on the screen, Ill make discreet robot/ lazer like sounds accordingly. This is normal computer behavior.

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  9. Hello, I’m a bedsheet. I am conveniently L-shaped to cover women’s breasts but not men’s abs. In addition, I have been trained to stay dry and tucked even after a hot sex scene.

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  10. Hi, I’m a taxi driver in a movie. I’m more than happy to break multiple laws because some wound-up a$$hole jumped in the back seat screaming “follow that car”. I also immediately know which car they’re talking about. I will do all of this and yet not pursue the passenger when they fail to pay the fare but rather yell from my seat as if I am super glued in.

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  11. Hello, I’m a smartass complaining about films not being realistic to the core, but if films were realistic and thus show tons of really boring stuff and behavior, I would be the first to complain as well, because I’m a smartass!

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  12. Hello, I’m an iconic landmark in a glamorous city, which just happens to have no admission fee and no queue today. When the good guy and bad guy chase each other into me, firing literal sleet-storms of bullets at each other, no one else is killed or injured and it isn’t the drop-everything headline on every news source on the planet for the next six weeks.

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  13. Hello I’m the new bride the morning after getting married the day before, roll over with my dragon breath and lipstick ladened lips and say, “Good morning Mr. So and So”, followed by the reply, “Good morning Mrs. So and So.”

  14. I am a woman who just had sex in a movie. I do not pee afterwards because obviously UTIs don’t exist here.

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  15. We are all the swords in all the movies ever. Although we live in scabbards clearly made of wood and/or leather, we nevertheless produce the sound of metal on metal every time we are drawn.

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  16. I’m the hero in the movie who at the beginning of the movie just got my ass kicked by the villain’s 2 henchman, I can’t fight for at least 10 -20 minutes , then miraculously , even with a broken arm and cuts and bruises I’ve healed in two days time and now I can beat up 10 henchman all by myself . I punch one in the chest and he falls to the floor for 30 seconds giving me enough time to do the same thing again and again to the other 9, while they keep on coming.

  17. I am an ordinary working glass guy in a movie. When I am caught up in some extraordinary event, I have no apparent problem coming up with the money to fly around the world, nor do I have any worries about missing work.

  18. I am a spaceship in a sci-fi movie. No matter how badly damaged I am, the one thing that always continues to work is the artificial gravity.

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  19. Hello, I’m a locked door in a film. All you have to do is shoot at my lock and I will open. Even if I’m an electronic pushbutton.

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  20. Hello, I’m a movie spaceman. When wearing my spacesuit I need lights inside my helmet that shine on my face so I can see.

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  21. Hello,
    I’m the food from the Chinese restaurant that is eaten to show we are working late to solve this problem. I will be eaten straight from the container with chop sticks, always.

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  22. I’m the police lieutenant/military official/government big-wig who rips the glasses off his face, slams them on his desk and says, “Dammit! I want answers!”

  23. I’m the dog in a disaster or horror movie. I always survive the tornado, alien invasion, earthquake, mad slasher, or other tragedy of the week no matter how many people are killed.

  24. Most excellent! I was almost an adult before I realize that people didn’t wake up in the morning with nice make up on their face and perfectly done hair. And as a child of the 70s I didn’t realize that we didn’t hang out in our pantyhose (See Threes Company) under our nightshirts.

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  25. I’m a cell phone. I never need charging. Just leave me on the nightstand and I magically charge up.

  26. Hello, I’m the flawlessly decorated home of every character you’ll meet, regardless of whether that character has exhibited artistic talent nor if they could afford an interior designer.

  27. Hello, I’m the movie gift that just got opened. No one ever has to tear paper or break ribbons because the giver always wraps the lid and box separately so it can be easily lifted open.

  28. Hello. I’m the supernatural monster in a movie. While I kill extras I’m like a freaking ninja: quick, silent and deadly.
    When I’m after the protagonist, I’m slow, clumsy and get stuck on the most ridicilous things while the hero runs to safety. I just busted through a brick wall but if you hold a tennis racket against my face while I’m trying to bite, I’m helpless.

  29. Hello. I am a gun in a movie. People always cock me to sound cool or to show they are serious. Especially in situations where I already should be ready to fire at all times.

  30. Hi, I’m a nurse in a movie. I serve no purpose other than to stand there looking serious while I hand the doctor who does everything the patient’s file. I may occasionally speak, and on the rare event I get to do more, I’m always cynical and not taking the patient seriously.

  31. Hello, I’m a store in a movie or TV show. I always have 4 or more employees on duty despite no customers, so they have time to chat w each other (who always work identical schedules) instead of selling anything.

  32. Hello, I’m the gay neighbor in a movie. I’m always snappily dressed, full of bons mots, am always having boyfriend problems (I’m always male) & very often carry around a fruity drink in a martini glass.

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  33. Hello, I am the hero of the movie who can hang onto a person with one arm who is dangling over the edge of building/cliff/bridge and do so for an extended period of time while engaging in conversation with only occasional huffs and puffs of effort. Notice how neither I nor the person I save suffer from dislocated shoulders?

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  34. Hi, I’m the female protagonist going to a male strip show. I just want to have fun. Hi, I’m the male protagonist going to a female strip show. I will be conned, robbed, or thrown in jail. Hi, I’m the female stripper protagonist. I’m struggling to provide for my child and will quit for a better life at the end. My movie will bomb though as everyone complains of sexism. Hi, I’m the male stripper protagonist. See my butt in a non-stripping scene and enjoy my stripping in between scenes getting into hijinks. My movie will be the highlight of all the talk shows and given accolades.

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  35. Hi, I’m a nightmare in a movie. I’m hyper-realistic and will make the character wake up in a split second while suddenly sitting up, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.

  36. Hi, I’m a college/high school student in a movie. I don’t ever have to work on any work, papers, or assignments at all and most to all of my time is spent spreading drama and doing whatever I want around this miraculous campus and very convenient hang out places with tons and tons of extremally hot students. Literally everyone is airbrushed and perfect and everyone has hours of time to apply a pound of makeup.

  37. Hi. I’m one of those cars fitted with ‘special movie tires’ that squeal on every corner, even on dirt roads and grass.

  38. Hello. I am a pilot that flies a NATO warplane with Soviet / Russian / Chinese markings. Sometimes my plane will mysteriously gain or lose a pair of engines, and totally reconfigure its airframe between successive shots.

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  39. Hello, I’m a to-go cup of coffee in a movie. I never spill, leak or seem to actually weigh anything. Consequently characters can gesture abruptly with me, hold me at unwise angles, and casually pick me up by my lid and hand me to each other without fear of mishap.

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  40. Hello, I’m an airplane in a movie. Although the flight is just a short-haul, I am a 747. Except on that mid-air shot when I become some other plane. Or the interior scene where I only have a single aisle. Should I have any kind of technical problem, I’ll enter a crazy dive with engines screaming as if I were a Stuka dive bomber and oxygen masks dropping from the ceiling. But if all goes well, I’ll land and my wheels make a loud screeching sound, easily audible over the roar of the engines.

  41. Hello. I’m the bovine male lead character from the movie ‘Barnyard’ and what I’d like to know is where my meat and two (considerable) veg have gone, and where these pendulous cow boobs came from.

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