Throughout history, our planet has witnessed a number of industrial booms: steel; assembly lines; internet… It’s about time we announce an addition to that list: startups that let you anonymously send stupid prank items to your enemies. If you are looking to exact revenge on a person you hate, this article will lead you to some of the best websites that will allow you to send prank mail anonymously so it is never traced back to you.
1. A bag of d*cks. How do you win an argument? Tell them to eat a bag of d*cks. Simple as that. However, it is not enough to just say the phrase. There’s something immensely special about physically providing the said bag of d*cks along with your assertion. And these d*cks are delicious so you can rest assured your recipient will truly eat a bag of d*cks.
2. Poop. A company called ShitExpress lets you use Bitcoin to anonymously send poop to your enemies. It’s not human poop, but elephant or horse poop – organic, wet animal poop. It costs $16.95 to send a package of the previously-mentioned excrement anywhere in the world. ShitExpress’ services have been so popular, the company reportedly earns $10,000 in a good month.
3. Glitter. This company lets you mail glitter to your enemy for only $9.99. The glitter bomb comes with a nice little note that tells your enemy exactly why they are getting glitter-bombed. And for few extra dollars, you get to double the glitter in the bomb. Since glitter is not good for the planet, you would be also making the world a worse place for all of us.
4. Fake lottery tickets. These fake lottery tickets and scratch cards will have them believing that they have won. You can just sit back and imagine their disappointment when they realize it’s not real. The letdown will be pretty severe, making it a perfect revenge prank gift.
5. A brick. This is the closest you can get to throwing a brick at your enemy without going to jail. For less than $20 this service will send a brick to your enemy anonymously. Of course, if you want to add a message on your brick, that can be arranged.
6. A dead fish. Nothing really says you hate someone like a dead fish in the mail. At this company they will let you send your enemy dead fish in the mail with a side of witted flowers to go for good balance. This is a perfect gift for the passive-aggressive monster that you are.
7. Fart candle. This hand-crafted candle literally starts out smelling like sweet vanilla and turns into dirty fart after about five hours. The top layer smells very pleasant prompting your unsuspecting victim to light it at a dinner party, on a date, when they are relaxing, or any inopportune time to get pranked.
8. A potato. Forget mean texts and emails. When you want a hateful message delivered with speed and reliability, this potato message mailing service is the way to go! Each 5″ Idaho potato can be customized with a short 135 character message of your choosing.
9. A bag of dirt. What better way to tell someone they’re a dirtbag than by uh… sending them a bag of actual dirt? This company claims to source the dirtiest dirt for the dirtiest of dirtbags accompanied by “You’re a dirtbag” card.
10. A book for c*nts. This helpful book is the perfect way to help c*nts all around the world get the help they need. Unfortunately, studies show 7 out of 10 c*nts actually remain c*nts for the entirety of their lives. This sad statistic is mostly due to the lack of information on how to refrain from actually being a c*nt.