20 Times Kids Cracked Up Their Parents With Hilarious One-Liners

Kids are known to say things honestly and without filters. Maybe because you don’t expect them to say certain things, when they say it, the only reaction left is laughter. One of those parents is Jessica Valenti, who shared how her 3-year-old daughter got sick after eating carrots but her reaction was that she would need even more carrots, which you could understand metaphorically and take inspiration to not give up when things get difficult. In response to Jessica’s tweet, many people started sharing some genius things their children have said, so here is a list of the best ones.

Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots."

When I told my five year old son that his shoes were on the wrong feet he looked down at them and then back at me and said, “they’re the only feet I have.”

When my daughter was about 4, she admonished her older brother, who was upset about something: "Sometimes you have to be your own personal armadillo." We still quote that 20+ years later to mean protect yourself.

Our goldfish died. When I told my then 5 year old son we had buried it in the garden he burst into tears. I was trying to think of how to explain how all living things die when he tearfully said "I wanted to eat it"

I was in a restroom in London & I heard a mom talking to her young son in the stall next to me, “Mummy said don’t eat the toilet paper!” He replied, “Then why are we even here?”

Younger niece (age 3+) looked at her older sister (5+) and said, "Sometimes I wish you were my brother." Older sister, looked at younger sister, without blinking and said, "Sometimes I wish you were a fish."

I sing in the car. My 3 y/o daughter was eating an ice cream cone in the back seat and asked me to wait until she finished it. Why, I asked? “So I can cover my ears”

When my girls were small they got in trouble for arguing not long before bed. My oldest told her little sister from her top bunk, “that’s fine. But just think, my dead skin cells fall on you all night.”

When I turned 40 I wanted to go blonde. Unfortunately my brunette hair didnt take it well. When my 8 YO daughter got off the bus that day the first thing she said was “I hope you can wash that out”.

My son, irritated at some rule I was enforcing, grumbled, “Daddy is the fun parent.” I gave him the Eye and asked him what that made me then? He paused ever so briefly & then said, “The smart parent.” I told him “Nice save.”

My daughter, fourth grade. Told me her teacher, upon seeing the broken hoop on the inside of her winter jacket, advised that her mother would be able to sew it back together. My daughter’s response? “Have you met my Mom?

My wife and I still laugh about our older son, age 5, clearly unhappy about having a younger brother. Came to us, heaved a sigh, and said “My life isn’t turning out the way I thought it would.”

I took an overnight trip with my sister’s family many years ago The motel we found was a real dump. My 6-year-old niece looked around and pronounced, “Well, it’s not Buckingham Palace, but it’ll do.”

My nephew saw a baby on TV, and told his mom that it was cuter than his baby brother. His mom argued with him, saying his brother was the cutest baby in the world. Nephew got supremely frustrated with her and yelled, “Stop being WRONG!”

My friend took her toddler to see another friends new baby. When she got to see the new baby, she said in her happiest voice, “oh mommy he’s so cute, he looks just like a little pig!”

My 3 year old daughter hurt my 5 year old who was crying. I explained to 3 that even when accidental you should apologize properly and mean it. She curtsied and said “I’m sorry, your Majesty”

Ha! Last year I had to go through chemo and lost my eyebrows. I tried to draw on brows but my son (7) said I look pretty without and I don't need it. I was about to take it off when my daughter (9) said "keep the makeup on. You look like Voldemort without brows." Thanks kid.

I would often ask my three year old daughter which things were funnier. "What's funnier, chairs or tables?" "What's funnier, hats or goblets?" That kind of thing. One day I asked "What's funnier, dogs or horses?" And she said "To eat?"

I have dark brown hair, my sister is blonde. My daughter's hair was blonde until she was about 3 years old. One day, in the car, out of the blue, she says to me, "I liked it better when I had blonde hair, because I looked like Aunt [Sister]. Now, I just look like you." Brutal.

I was driving in rush hour, frustrated and muttering about how slow we were moving. My then-3 year old suddenly piped up from her carseat, "What's the matter mommy, are you pissed off about all the damn traffic?"

17 thoughts on “20 Times Kids Cracked Up Their Parents With Hilarious One-Liners”

  1. We recently had takeaway pizza, and I made a beetroot salad to go with it. My middle daughter sat down at the table, saw the salad and said “I didn’t think it was possible to ruin a pizza dinner.”

  2. When I was pregnant with my second my son was five and I decided it was a bright idea to let him name her whatever he wanted. He decided to name her Melanie which was perfectly acceptable two years later when he was seven he told me he had a confession to make that Melanie was not his first choice but he really wanted to name her interloper because until she came along he was “enjoying being an only child”

  3. In an emotional outburst, my wife told our 6 y.o. daughter ‘You’re all my life!’ to which she responded: ‘Is your life THAT uneventful?’

  4. When I used to take my young son to a friend’s to play I would always tell him to behave. One time he had a friend over and they were playing in another room and it got very quiet. I called out, “What are you guys doing in there?” He replied, “We’re being have!” (pronounced like cave)

  5. I called downstairs to my 3 children to come upstairs for dinner, and make sure they called their siblings. My youngest (3 years old) came running up the stairs alone. I asked him, “Did you call the other kids, Gabe?” He replied, “Why would I call the other kids Gabe? That’s my name.” I went and got the other 2 myself.

  6. When my son was four he did something that required this single Mom to respond with a proper punishment. So I told him he was grounded. He immediately looked stricken and said, “Please Mommy, don’t put me in the ground!” Forty-five years later I still cringe to think that my son actually thought I would bury him.

  7. My son saw a man in a wheelchair & he had no legs I thought it would be a teaching moment for mr 4 so I said how wonderful that he’s getting out and about & that people with disabilities can do lots he quickly replied he can’t can can

  8. At ikea my son looked at me and said “mom can I please have an ice cream umm Tuesday?” He knew it was one of the days of the week but couldn’t remember which one. “Of course you can have an ice cream Tuesday” I responded.

  9. 3 year old daughter in car seat in the back seat. I looked at her in the rear view window and sang ” someone shouldn’t be sucking their fingers”. She sang back” someone should be watching the road”.

  10. 30+ years ago, my 2yo genius daughter, without diaper, passed gas and heard it for the first time. We asked her what happened, she said, “Mommy, my bottom burped”. Now… if one thinks on it, that’s exactly what happened. We still use this with our grandkids! She also said that the inside of her neck hurt, for a sore throat… another gem!

  11. My granddaughter age 5 declared when she had diarrhea and dirtied her panties: mommy I am sorry, my poopie just melted!

  12. My granddaughter age 6 was born with webbed toes. One day she ask for her mom to paint her two headed toe with polish!

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