The Funniest Posts From Childfree Reddit Community

Childfree Reddit is an online community that brings together people who have deliberately chosen not to have kids and are not afraid to list all the funny reasons behind their decision. One of the Childfree community members even opened a Childfree store on Etsy to make a business out of their collective dislike of the idea of having kids. You can get all kinds of merch there. Anyways… Scroll down to check out the funniest reasons of never becoming a parent!

my fiancé and I started a baby jar & every time someone asks when we’re going to have kids we put a dollar in & when the jar is full we will spend it on whatever we want bc we don’t have kids

A guy my age was telling me how happy he was that his wife just gave birth to their fourth child then was like “sorry, don’t mean to brag” and it’s like, oh no worries, your life literally sounds terrible to me

I’ve noticed women who look really great for their age follow a strict skincare regimen of never having children.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life but the fact that I’ve never been invited to a gender reveal party means I’ve cut the right people out.

Everyone who told me that I would change my mind about having kids is now telling me how lucky I am not to have kids.

Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed. Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.

Having kids is a never-ending nightmare. Use protection! End the cycle of misery!

My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog.

Family: Why would you get tattoos? They’re expensive and painful to get and they are PERMANENT! Also family: Have a baby :)

Our family

When people ask if I want to hold their baby

if you say "I don't want kids" three times a middle aged person will appear and explain you might change your mind

I hate this pandemic, if I wanted to waste my early 30s I would have gotten married and had kids.

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of a lazy Saturday morning we can panic because a sports uniform didn’t get put in the dryer.

People say " You're 40 now. You should be settling down and having kids. " Well I'm busy at the moment making sure my dogs taco costume is ready for Halloween.

HER: Do you want to have kids?
ME: No
HER: Why not?
ME: I couldn't take all the crying
HER: They don't cry all the time
ME: No, I meant me


A: When are you having kids?
B: I’m not. I really don’t want to be a parent.
A: Oh, no! I hope you get pregnant. Accidents happen. *wink*
A: I can’t wait to get pregnant. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
B: Oh, I hope you can’t! Infertility happens, you know. *wink* Hee hee!

Telling people “I don’t want kids”:
-“You’ll change your mind one day”
-“When you meet the right person...”
-“You don’t understand, you’re not a parent”

Telling people “My bloodline ends with me”
-Your bloodline feels sacred and mystical
-Vaguely threatening

Biggest scam ever: apartments charging pet fees but not children fees. My cat lays on the couch all day while I can hear children literally beating on the walls.

Boomer: "Having kids is the hardest most exhausting thing in life. Every day I think about how much I would have been able to do in life if I didnt have kids. All my money is gone and every day is a chore."

Millenial: "I don't think I want kids"


Ladies, imagine this. It’s 15 years from now, and you have no kids. You’re the cool wine aunt that occasionally comes back to the country for a brief visit before leaving for another exotic vacation. You have no commitments, and a suspicious amount of money.

Dogs are so much better!

If you agree that having kids is the worst thing ever and wish to tell the world about it, you might want to visit Childfree Etsy store. They have all kinds of merch there. Please note that this site is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Etsy affiliate we earn from qualifying purchases.

14 thoughts on “The Funniest Posts From Childfree Reddit Community”

  1. And people with kids always complain about them, THATS what I call self absorbed sociopaths!🤦‍♀️

  2. I have a problem with clueless parents of obnoxious children. I see too much of that. Visit any Walmart, Costco, BJ’s, Target, etc.

  3. The future belongs to those who turn up.
    I’d like to see what they think when they are sixty five.

  4. Nearly all of these are great! It’s hard to choose the best, but I’d pick the one by Daniel Kerwood.

  5. I realized that I cut the right people out of my social circle when someone told me that they were going to a gender reveal party and I thought it was an LBGTQ thing like a party to celebrate someones coming out.

  6. I was in a funeral the other day and when the priest asked if anyone had something to say, I could hardly hear the vegans because the children-free people were so damn loud.

  7. I think it is totally OK and normal to not want kids. (Every parent does from time to time.) But it is not OK to compare children to animals of any kind (dogs and maggots were mentioned here…).

    They are innocent human beings with their own dignity and don’t deserve this.


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