Brilliant British Insults

Twitter user Rob Delaney wanted to explore the differences in the English language. Being American, he asked his followers to present him with the best British insults that people use and that made a very entertaining thread.

What are some good British insults these days? Hearing someone called a “roaster”, “flannel”, or “weapon” always makes me cackle. What else we got?

My brother calls me a breathing pork pie.

I often get ‘dry lunch’ or ‘pothole’

It’s a bit convoluted but I spend a lot of time in Liverpool where “Ya ma’s got a baldy head and collects footy stickers” is an all-time option

British insults are the best.

Heard a kid on the tram call his mate a wet wipe...

Funny British insult.

"Yer granny gets bullied at bingo"

Basically in the UK, any household object can be inserted into the *insult hole* these days. You total toothbrush for example. Try it, it works.

What an utter chandelier!

This is real niche, but I worked as a youth worker in Liverpool near a place where they printed counterfeit notes. One of the insults they used to throw around was "Your mum buys fivers for a fiver"

Bell End is my favourite. Especially abbreviated to a simple ‘bell’.

‘Yer Da(d) sells Avon’ is a Scottish classic

British insults are the best.

My daughter went with yeah well when your mam entered an ugly contest they said sorry no professionals please when arguing with her mate

I've heard lunchbox used for men who go to the gym so much they come out rectangular

My primary school teacher used to call us daft apeths. I thought it was something to do with monkeys. Decades later I realised it’s short for half-penny worth

The best ones are the random nouns that aren’t technically insults but are made into one by putting the word “absolute” in front of it.

“Muppet” is a perennial favourite. A few from Belfast where I grew up: glipe, eejit, spacer (as in space cadet)

Yer ma wears Donnay socks

Yer Da wears shin pads in the bath

In Scotland… ‘yer Da eats Pringles wi’ a fork’…

I always thought the use of 'plum' as an insult was great, because it doesn't work on any level as a critique. "Don't be such a plum"

Tyson Fury enjoys throwing the word 'dosser' around a lot. It dates from Victorian 'doss houses' or hostels & it's a term I used to hear a lot in Manchester. It's deliciously pejorative, evoking workshy layabouts watching daytime TV & smoking considerable amounts of reefer.

8 thoughts on “Brilliant British Insults”

  1. My friend is very fond of both “jabroni” and “peon”. I’ve never known anyone else use either word so much in everyday language, he’d totally know who he is if he read this.

  2. We had chef living down the lane in Greenwich who mastered the art of replacing insult words with nouns.
    He would keep using food names instead. The spicier tje food, the stronger the insult.

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