Drunk Amazon Shopping Ideas

So you’re drunk and willing to spend your hard-earned dollars on ridiculously stupid things? Here are some ideas for you:

Turn this Useless Box on, and it will turn itself off. That’s all it does. Marvellous, isn’t it?

Your hand is fine, but it lacks a certain… magic. You need Handicorn!

Socks AND sandals? Why not cut out the middle man? Once you got the Sock Sandals, you’ll never return to being a normal person.

Wear this Realistic Pigeon Mask to sit on statues or beg for bread by a park bench! Fits most drunk adult heads.

MoGuard: the moustache drinking protector.

If you love staring at bacon and find it amusing to put together a puzzle where everything looks exactly the same, you may just love this 1000 Piece Bacon Jigsaw Puzzle.

What’s cooler than wearing mittens or gloves on your hands? Underpants for your hands, of course!

Smiling Dog Toy Ball: a total must have for every dog owner.

Camouflage Beer Belt: a must have survival kit for every alcoholic. Holds six 12 oz cans of beer or any other bottles around your waist.

This infected ornament will have your friendly garden gnomes running for cover. Protect your home with Zombie Garden Gnome!

Are you sick and tired of trying to teach your pickles to yodel? Pickles can be so stubborn. At last, The Yodeling Pickle you’ve been waiting for!

There’s no better way to show your wife that you’re a good father than getting your toddler a Two Front Teeth Pacifier.

A wrist watch with a bottle opener buckle: so that you can glance at your watch to make sure it’s happy hour, turn your hand over and crack open a beer.

Military grade Battle Mug: the manliest way to chug beer. It features a M1913 rail interface system that allows you to attach laser devices, a tactical light, holographic sights, or even a bayonet.

Bacon Scented Soap: bacon you can actually take in the shower with you (it tastes horrible).

To REALLY understand your pug, you must become one! You’re going to need: Realistic Pug Mask and Pug Face T-Shirt.

Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats – a thing only a drunk person would buy.